


The panic stage

by marginaliana



Category: Top Gear (UK) RPF
Genre: Episode Related, M/M, Top Gear: Vietnam special
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-24
Updated: 2015-10-24
Packaged: 2018-04-27 22:02:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5066068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marginaliana/pseuds/marginaliana
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They let Jeremy be outraged for a while, and then when that finally stopped being entertaining, they turned off the cameras and found an empty lot and set about actually teaching him something. [from a tumblr prompt]</p>
            </blockquote>





	The panic stage

They let Jeremy be outraged for a while, and then when that finally stopped being entertaining, they turned off the cameras and found an empty lot and set about actually teaching him something. The Vespa was big enough – just – that Richard could curl up in front of Jeremy on the seat, holding his hands over Jeremy's on the handlebars and guiding him this way and that. James trotted along beside them, calling out advice and jumping out of the way whenever Jeremy turned his head to shout at him and accidentally tipped the bike over.

"I hate this, and I hate you, and did I mention I hate this?" Jeremy said, clambering back to his feet after the third time he nearly bashed his head open on the tarmac.

"Possibly you may have done, once or twice," said James. "I'm sure you wouldn't want to be so gauche as to repeat yourself."

"I'll be as gauche as I like," Jeremy said petulantly. "You can take gauche and stick it right up your—"

"Gentlemen," said Richard with a sigh. He wiggled his ankle, as if to ensure that it hadn't twisted itself when they'd gone over. "If we could focus on the task at hand."

"I'm going to die, Hammond – that's the task at hand. You're leading me to my tragic and totally avoidable death! Think what the viewers will say!"

James met Richard's eyes and they shared a look of complete understanding. "The viewers will say it's our best episode yet," Richard joked, but he patted Jeremy on the shoulder before squatting down to tug the bike upright again. "Come on, Jez. You've got knee pads and elbow pads and something approaching a helmet, that's more than I had when I was learning. You'll be fine." He started the bike again.

"That's only because you were mental enough to want to be a bike-ist," Jeremy grumbled.

"If you can do five laps of the lot by yourself without falling off," James said, "that'll be good enough and you can go back to the hotel and have a beer, all right?" He stepped in close and spoke again, just loud enough for the two of them to hear. "And if you can do five laps in alternating directions, you might even get something after that."

"Fine, fine, fine, shut up, James," said Jeremy, but he swung his leg over the back of the bike obediently. "God, don't you ever stop talking? Hammond, get off."

Richard slid off the bike hurriedly and scrambled back as Jeremy took off, nearly running over his foot. As soon as Jeremy was out of earshot, Richard heaved out a sigh and said, "Thank god for that," but under his breath. "If I hear one more bloody complaint out of him, I'm going to steal that shite excuse for a bike and dump it in the ocean, and he'll have to walk to Ha Long City."

James snorted. "It's Jeremy," he pointed out. "It's not like we didn't know this whole thing was going to be non-stop moaning. Besides, who knows? He might end up enjoying himself. That does occasionally happen, when we manage to get him past the panic stage." He waggled his eyebrows to remind Richard of the last time they'd had to convince Jeremy to give something a try. It had turned out rather fantastic for all three of them, even if it had been considerably messier than either Richard or James had anticipated.

"I suppose," Richard said, reluctantly, but he nudged his shoulder up against James' to indicate he'd got the point, and there was a hint of a smile at the corners of his mouth.

Across the lot Jeremy navigated a corner, shouted, "I am a biking god!" and thrust his arms in the air triumphantly. Then he fell over.


End file.
